Bi curious men can face a lot of stigma in the gay community. They may be labeled as confused, or just seeking new experiences before returning to their straight lives.
Whether you’re identifying as bi or not, sexuality isn’t one-size-fits-all. You might feel attracted to both genders, or you could prefer one gender romantically and the other sexually.
1. Identifying as bi-curious
The term bi-curious is often used in place of “bisexual,” but it can sometimes be confusing. People who use this label are exploring their sexuality, and they may decide to identify as gay, heterosexual, or something else entirely in the future. It’s important to be aware of these stereotypes and avoid reinforcing them.
Some people think that cis men who identify as bi-curious are secretly gay and only using this term to appease their feelings of attraction to men. They may also believe that bi-curious men are using the LGBTQIA+ community as a testing ground for relationships with different genders.
However, this assumption ignores the fact that anyone can experiment with their sexuality. It’s a natural part of the human experience, and it’s important to remember that feelings of attraction can shift over time. Regardless of how long someone has been exploring their sexuality, they should be treated with respect. A relationship should be based on mutual consent and respect, not a series of experiments.
2. Talking about bicuriousity
As LGBTQIA+ culture continues to shift and discussions around sexual orientation expand, more folks find themselves exploring romantic or sexual relationships with people of a different gender. They may identify as bi-curious, or they might use other terms like queer (a derogatory term that’s been reclaimed by the LGBTQIA+ community) or heteroflexible.
There’s no exact date when the term bi-curious was first used, but it began to gain visibility and popularity in the late 20th century as conversations about sexuality became more open. It’s important to talk about how people feel, and it’s ok to say you’re bi-curious or queer.
However, it’s important to be careful when talking about bi-curiousity because it can reinforce unhealthy and inaccurate stereotypes about the LGBTQIA+ community. The implication that you need to have sex to be bisexual feeds into the gatekeeping and erasure that LGBTQIA+ people experience both from within and outside of their communities. It also makes some bi-curious people feel like they are only seen as sexual experiments, which can be detrimental to their mental health.
3. Supporting someone who identifies as bi-curious
People identify as bi-curious for a variety of reasons. They may be in a monogamous relationship and feel attracted to both men and women, they might want to explore their feelings by opening up the gender settings on dating apps or try threesomes, or they might have had experiences in the past that have made them question their sexual orientation.
The term bi-curious is a lot like heteroflexible, which describes people who are heterosexual but open to same-sex relationships. It’s up to a person to decide what label they feel most comfortable using and what makes them happy.
If a person identifies as bi-curious, it is important to support them and not pressure them to define themselves more clearly. If the label bisexual isn’t right for them, it might be helpful to suggest other options such as queer, fluid, or open. Whatever they choose, it’s important to be supportive and listen to them. The LGBTQIA+ community needs allies to thrive.
4. Getting support for bicuriousity
Often, when someone identifies as bicurious, they face pushback from both the queer and heterosexual communities. This is because the label often carries with it harmful stereotypes and negative associations.
For instance, some LGBTQIA+ people think that cis and (previously) straight people who use the term bicurious are looking to infiltrate queer spaces and mess with their members. They also think that these people are only experimenting with their sexual orientation and will eventually leave the community.
The issue with this is that it contributes to bi-erasure and gatekeeping, which is bad for everyone. It also fuels the idea that you must have sex with both genders in order to identify as bisexual, which isn’t true. Sexuality is a spectrum and it’s normal to explore, experiment, and change your mind at any point in time. It’s up to individuals to decide how they want to label themselves, and it should always feel authentic to them.
