Everyone feels a little bit awkward when they meet their partner’s family for the first time. However, it can be made more comfortable if you do a little prep work beforehand.
Studies show that people make snap judgments in a mere microsecond, so first impressions are important. Here are some tips on how to ensure yours goes well.
Make a good first impression.
Meeting the parents for the first time is a major milestone in any relationship. You want to make a good impression and show that you are serious about your partner. But it can be stressful. You might worry about whether you will have enough to talk about or if you are wearing the right outfit. And you might also be concerned about whether or not they will like you.
Fortunately, there are some things you can do to make the meeting go as well as possible. For example, it is important to greet the parents with a smile and a handshake. (Some families are more touchy, and may opt for a hug, but a handshake is standard.) It is also a good idea to bring a gift.
Know what to expect.
It’s important to find out what kind of family your partner comes from. Trombetti explains, “Every family has their own dos and don’ts.” It can help to ask your partner about their parent’s traditions, such as whether they prefer you to take off your shoes when entering the house or if cursing is off limits.
You also want to be sure you’re dressed appropriately. She suggests, “a nice pair of slacks and a button-down shirt is always a good bet.” And don’t forget the gift! Bringing something simple, such as a bottle of wine or a scented candle, will be appreciated.
Be yourself.
It’s okay to feel nervous about meeting your partner’s parents, but don’t let those nerves make you a phony. If you try to put on an act, they’ll pick up on it and likely think less of you as a result.
Dress in a way that’s appropriate for the situation. If you’re visiting their home or going out to dinner, a casual but put-together look is typically appropriate. Avoid holey jeans, ragged shirts or anything too revealing.
If you get invited back, it’s a nice gesture to send them a thank you note or gift, such as their favorite wine. You can also reciprocate by hosting them next time or treating them to a meal or experience. This shows you care about them and their family and respect their opinion.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions.
Your partner’s parents want to get to know their daughter or son’s new partner, so they will naturally be curious about who you are. This is a good thing!
Don’t be afraid to ask questions, but try to steer away from sensitive topics, such as political opinions or past relationships. You might think these subjects are harmless, but your partner’s family could take it the wrong way.
If you’re unsure about what to say, try mentioning something positive about your partner or making a lighthearted joke about the weather. This will help to ease the tension and make conversation flow a little easier.
Be prepared to reciprocate.
When it comes to meeting the parents, you need to be prepared to reciprocate. This is a big deal for your partner and they have to be able to trust you enough to introduce you to their family.
Be prepared to engage them with questions about your career goals, hobbies and where you’re from. It’s also a good idea to research their tastes (like food or wine) so you can bring them a nice gift to show your appreciation for the hospitality. It may seem like a small gesture, but it’s one that will be noticed and appreciated. It shows that you care about them as well as their child. And that’s a great thing!
